Psychologist
Parthenia Izzard’s 6 Signs You’re Being Lied About
Have you ever had the
feeling that something has changed in your relationship with an individual or
group? There are six signs that may help you find out if they have changed
because you are being lied about.
There is a strong
possibility someone has spread lies about you of which you are not aware. Liars
seeking to diminish your value to another individual or organization are very
adept at casting aspersions and discrediting an individual by spreading lies
about that individual. The lies do not have to be terribly involved or extreme,
they just have to cast enough “shade” to cause others to value the individual
less. When people are jealous or feeling threatened by your presence, they
often spread lies that they hope will get you rejected by someone, removed from
a group or at the very least, diminish your influence.
1. A behavioral interaction change may be one of the first things you will notice. When you arrive nobody says hello as they once did. Nobody extends their hand first or moves physically to greet you when you arrive. Assuming you have had no interaction with the individual or group prior to the behavioral interaction change, the only explanation would be that someone has undermined you in some way and to your detriment.
1. A behavioral interaction change may be one of the first things you will notice. When you arrive nobody says hello as they once did. Nobody extends their hand first or moves physically to greet you when you arrive. Assuming you have had no interaction with the individual or group prior to the behavioral interaction change, the only explanation would be that someone has undermined you in some way and to your detriment.
2. You may next notice an increased silence
in your presence that was not there before. When people do not talk in your
presence there is usually a reason. There may be things they want to discuss,
that they do not want you to know about or you may be the subject of what they
are talking about, and they do not want you to overhear their conversation.
3. You may also notice less eye contact is
being made when you are talking to the individual or group. When people change
their behavior because of something someone has told them and not because of
something the individual in question has done, they do feel some guilt. They
know what they are doing is not based on anything the individual deserves and
they feel badly about what they are doing, so it is difficult to look the
person in the eye.
4. They also may no longer seek your opinion
when making plans and decisions the way they did before. You will certainly
have a sense of being left out.
5. You will notice the individual or group
does not seem as warm and friendly as they did. There is no informal touching
when talking, greeting, or leaving. You may feel that they are being cold and
aloof.
6. Then there just may be that feeling of “je
ne se quoi” upon which you cannot put your finger. Something is just off and
you know you have done nothing to warrant the changes.
What to do? Reinforce
their positive feelings by maintaining your consistent behavior, and remaining
above reproach. Don’t change your behavior by getting on the defensive or distrusting
them because that may play into the hands of the liar. Do the same things you
did before, that encouraged the individual or group to bring you into their
environment. Exhibit the same positive, friendly, informative, behavior you did
before their feelings seemed to change. Hopefully, you will be able to inquire
of the changed individual or a member of the changed group at some point in
time, to see what the liar said or to get someone to confide in you what they
suspect to be the problem. You should be able to outlast the lies and dispel
their concerns sufficiently to raise questions about the individual trying to
undermine your presence. The more your behavior is contrary to the lie, the
sooner they will realize they are in error and should be concerned more about
the liar. There may be a point at which you can jokingly state, “If I didn’t
know better, I would think someone was spreading lies about me behind my back.”
Someone may come and tell you what happened.
The important thing is to
stay a part of the group or maintain your relationship with the changed individual
long enough to clear your name and determine who the culprit is and expose them
for the liar they are. You can only do that if you maintain a positive and
productive demeanor and presence, so that you will be kept around long enough
to get to the bottom of the lies, and make the individual pay for what they
did. Do not allow your hurt feelings or anger to get the best of you. Never
“allow your adrenaline to supersede your clarity.” Keep it together to rectify
the situation. Success is the best revenge. The culprit is trying to get rid of
you, so if you leave or act out, you will enable them to justify your removal.
Do not under any circumstances give them the satisfaction of seeing you out of
control. Just hang in there long enough to win!
By Parthenia Izzard, Psychologist,
CNHP, ABD, Author, Talk Show Host
December 28, 2016,