Psychologist Parthenia Izzard’s 6 Signs You’re Being Lied About
Have you ever had the feeling that something has changed in your relationship with an individual or group? There are six signs that may help you find out if they have changed because you are being lied about.
1. a behavioral interaction change
2. increased silence in your presence
3. less eye contact when conversing
4. less inclusion in decision making
5. a lack of warmth and touch previously present
6. a “feeling” something is not right
When noticing any or all of the above signs there is a strong possibility someone has spread lies about you of which you are not aware. Liars seeking to diminish your value to another individual or organization are very adept at casting aspersions and discrediting an individual by spreading lies about that individual. The lies do not have to be terribly involved or extreme, they just have to cast enough “shade” to cause others to value the individual less. When people are jealous or feel threatened by your presence, they often spread lies that they hope will get you rejected by someone or removed from a group.
A behavioral interaction change may be one of the first things you will notice. When you arrive nobody says hello as they once did. Nobody extends their hand first or moves physically to greet you when you arrive. Assuming you have had no interaction with the individual or group prior to the behavioral interaction change, the only explanation would be that someone has undermined you in some way and to your detriment.
You may next notice an increased silence in your presence that was not there before. When people do not talk in your presence there is usually a reason. There may be things they want to discuss, that they do not want you to know about or you may be the subject of what they are talking about, and they do not want you to overhear their conversation.
You may also notice less eye contact is being made when you are talking to the individual or group. When people change their behavior because of something someone has told them and not because of something the individual in question has done, they do feel some guilt. They know what they are doing is not based on anything the individual deserves and they feel badly about what they are doing, so it is difficult to look the person in the eye.
They also may no longer seek your opinion when making plans and decisions the way they did before. You will certainly have a sense of being left out.
You will notice the individual or group does not seem as warm and friendly as they did. There is no informal touching when talking, greeting, or leaving. You may feel that they are being cold and aloof.
Then there just may be that feeling of “je ne se quoi” upon which you cannot put your finger. Something is just off and you know you have done nothing to warrant the changes.
What to do? Reinforce their positive feelings by maintaining your consistent behavior, and remaining above reproach. Don’t change your behavior by getting on the defensive or distrusting them because that may play into the hands of the liar. Do the same things you did before, that encouraged the individual or group to bring you into their environment. Exhibit the same positive, friendly, informative, behavior you did before their feelings seemed to change. Hopefully, you will be able to inquire of the changed individual or member of the group at some point in time, to see what the liar said or to get someone to confide in you what they suspect to be the case. You should be able to outlast the lies and dispel their concerns sufficiently to raise questions about the individual trying to undermine your presence. The more your behavior is contrary to the lie, the sooner they will realize they are in error and should be concerned more about the liar. There may be a point at which you can jokingly state, “If I didn’t know better, I would think someone was spreading lies about me behind my back.” Someone may come and tell you what happened.
The important thing is to stay a part of the group or maintain your relationship with the changed individual long enough to clear your name and determine who the culprit is and expose them for the liar they are. You can only do that if you maintain a positive and productive demeanor and presence, so that you will be kept around long enough to get to the bottom of the lies, and make the individual pay for what they did. Do not allow your hurt feelings or anger to get the best of you. Never “allow your adrenaline to supersede your clarity.” Keep it together to rectify the situation. Success is the best revenge. The culprit is trying to get rid of you, so if you leave or act out, you will enable them to justify your removal. Do not under any circumstances give them the satisfaction of seeing you out of control. Just hang in there long enough to win!
By Parthenia Izzard, Psychologist, CNHP, ABD, Author, Talk Show Host
December 28, 2016,